When you live life as a transgender individual, it can seem as if you are living in a box. You want to engage with others as your most authentic self, but the moment in which you must reveal your identity to the world looms large, particularly if you haven't begun to tell those closest to you.
Your debut
"Coming out" as transgender is a significant moment in life; as you reveal your intentions to live life as you truly wish to, you may share with loved ones your preferred pronouns, how you wish to be addressed, and what you plan to do as you move forward in life. This is a very personal decision, not to be taken lightly, and it means different things to different people. Some may choose to come out before they medically and socially transition, while others may wait for the big reveal before uttering a word to family and friends. There is no right or wrong way to do it, but it must be done from a place of courageous honesty and with few expectations from others.
What others may say.....and do
As you speak your truth and come out to others, some will accept and validate what you say, while others may blatantly and disrespectfully reject the real you. You can't control what others will say or do in this process; the only thing you can control is your honest revelation of who you truly are. The reactions of others may hurt deeply, and you may question your own process if those closest to you are not supportive and understanding. Many times, fearful and angry responses to your conversations are an indicator that they don't understand your identity, and through continued conversation and exposure to who you really are, they may come to a place of acceptance and gratitude for a more authentic relationship with you.
Coming out to parents, friends, and loved ones
It is extremely scary to contemplate the loss of relationships upon coming out. Unfortunately, this does happen frequently, but this should not be cause for failing to live your life; some of your greatest anxieties could end up being moments of incredible sweetness and support as you find the attitudes of loved ones are supporting and understanding. If you are contemplating your coming out moment, don't delay. Take these steps to prepare for those courageous conversations, and be okay with the outcome, regardless of where your support comes from:
- Think through where and when you will deliver the information. Will you tell everyone at the same time, or will you choose moments with small groups? Will you come out at Uncle Wayne's birthday party, or will you look for a less conspicuous moment to have your conversation. Know what you want out of this conversation, and seek ideal conditions for sharing yourself.
- Start with the people that you think may be the most supportive, and feel them out first. It will give you courage to work up to some of the more difficult conversations you'll be facing at some point.
- Do some research with regard to trans gender information; your friends and family will likely have lots of questions as they contemplate a new relationship with you.
- Reassure your loved ones that you are still you, but you seek true fulfillment out of life by being allowed to live as you have always wanted to.
- Don't assume what other's reactions will be, and try not to take them personally. As you redefine your role in relationship to others, building this new way of interacting will take time. Intend to find support that you need, and let go of the need to have everyone around you in favor of your "new" identity.
- Find support if needed. If few in your life are offering you the kind of help and support that you need, there are resources for transgender individuals that can connect you with others on a similar pathway. Look forward to foraging new relationships as you redefine yourself and your outlook on life.
Stay strong and courageous
It takes an incredible amount of courage and strength to open up to others, especially when you have information about you that they might reject. You are giving yourself the incredible gift of an authentic life, lived fully, with the chance to impact others in significant ways. Switch the focus on your day to day drama to something bigger; you are paving the way for other transgender individuals to follow in your footsteps--in time, people may begin to see past a changing exterior and connect with others from the heart. If anyone can do it, you can!
